so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
