we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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