Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
