I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
