you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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