the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
