we made out on top of his cat.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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