Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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