just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
