Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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