Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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