Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
