Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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