normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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