I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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