you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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