If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
