I look better un-naked...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm like, not good at living.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
