FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
