Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
