Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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