I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
