i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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