we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
