I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
