She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
