I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
