Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
