yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't deserve a penis
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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