Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
