Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
