You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
