My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
