She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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