wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
