it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
