I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
