I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
