good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
