I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
