I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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