I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
