I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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