I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
