I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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