Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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