4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
