Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
