I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
