she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
