I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
