You work out of a Hotel?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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