Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
