First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
