bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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