yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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