I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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