1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think your dad took our porno
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
