Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
did i walk over a car last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
