Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
