I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
