she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
