hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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