Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
