lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are all done wearing pants today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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