mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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