I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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