I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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