Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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