I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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