He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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