Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
