where am i from again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
