At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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