At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
