pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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