$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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