he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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