I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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