does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize