Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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