so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize