y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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