I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
