HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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