If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
